How my family matches the characteristics of incestuous
1. She has a poor relationship with her mother, or none at
all. The mother may be gone, she may be in the hospital, she
may be home but does not like or want the daughter. The mother
may be jealous of her and reject her.
1.1 My wife rejected her daughter and her husband. She sat
in a recliner which barely was wide enough for her hips
leaving no room for her child. I sat on a love seat or a sofa
so there was always room for both my kids to sit with their
2. The daughter has low self esteem. She considers herself
unattractive, unloved, inadequate.She may be trying to
compensate for her poor self-image by acting prematurely grown
up, adult and self-sufficient.
2.1 My daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate. The
surgery to repair this was done but did leave scars on her
upper lip running from the lip to right nostril of the nose.
This made her different than other kids and they did tease her
which reduced her self esteem.
3. She is looking for attention and affection. She often
isolates herself from peers out of fear she will be rejected.
She wants their friendship but is afraid to reach out for it.
She appreciates any sign of recognition and tenderness. She
easily falls in love with a father who bestows gifts and
attention on her. She may engage in incest for the gifts and
privileges it gets her.
3,1 With her mother ignoring her she got her human contact
needs filled by her brother and father
4. She may develop a seductive manner, look or behavior to
attract attention. Little girls learn early in the American
Culture how to get favors by adopting the cute or sexy smile
and style of Marilyn Monroe or Lolita. She may decide that
acting seductive is the only way to get anyone to pay
attention to her. She may be the one who initiates sexual
activity with the father and gives the come-on to other
4.1 While I was at work my wife watched soap operas. These
have lots of kissing on them and she tested her ability to
emulate these passionate kisses with her Daddy.
5. She may be stuck on her father, making her particularly
vulnerable to any advances on his part and increasing the
possibility that she will act out on her own sexual impulses
and initiate sexual contact with him. This points to the
"Oedipal (or Electra) complex," to a fixation on the parent of
the opposite sex. For instance, a girl does not identify with
her mother and wants to be possess the father for herself. If
she identified with her mother, she would give up her wish for
the father and devote her energies to other concerns....
5.1 Freud said that incest was a natural desire from age 2
to about 5. Most psychiatrists refute the theory of Oedipal
Complex but a desire to be with the opposite parent is an
observable phenomenon in most two parent families. I do not
believe it is a sexual desire but an emotional one.
6. She may try to act as a "rescuer" of her father, sensing
that he is unhappy or needs somebody to look after him, to
care for him. She may try to "rescue" the whole family,
believing she is the only one who can hold things together.
Becoming the "lady of the house" may be motivated out of this
need to "rescue" as well as to meet her own needs for
affection and attention. The rescuing may extend to offering
sex to the father to calm him down, to keep him from fighting
with the mother or other kids in the family. Daughters of the
tyrant type of father often adapt this type of role.
6.1 With my wife constantly arguing with me about affairs I
never had. With my arguing with her over the lack of sex
in our marital relationship and her total control over
family money while concealing our debts from me, My
daughter, in asking me to rub her down there, was trying to
reduce my unhappiness of my loveless marriage. She may have
also been trying to rescue her mother from my wrath at her
misuse of family money and lack of affection.
The original numbered points are from Blair and Rita
Justice's "Broken Taboo:Sex In The Family"