Chapter Twelve: What Now?

 

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Chapter twelve: What Now?

My wife had a severe fear of the thunderstorms which are common in the Midwest where we were living. My daughter caught this same fear. Since my wife had been so negative and ego destroying I did not feel like helping her so my attention went once again to my former lover, my daughter. She'd ask to sit on my lap so I could hold her close. She sat very still but would shove a breast into my chest so occasionally she'd still feel my erection growing. These were allowed to fade after we returned from the storm shelter.

My wife did allow me to make love to her September 8, 1998. This was, as usual, the first Saturday after my birthday. I had heard on the radio that a woman was more likely to acheive orgasm during intercourse if the man road high in her slot. So this time I did that and Kathi, for the first time in  our marriage, climaxed during intercourse.  As she came back down to reality after the orgasm she was worried I had not climaxed or ejaculated. Fact is when she tripped her trigger my gun went off. She was so overcome with the pleasure of the climax she didn't feel it.

As a reward for getting her there she decided we would do it again Sunday night if I would come to bed and not stay up to watch Star Trek. Since I had a VCR preprogrammed to record it I readily agreed. That was foolish. I was now 46 years old and any man who has reached middle age realizes he's not able to make love as often as when he was in his late teens or twenties. So the next night she allowed me access to her body again and this time I ejaculated as I was penetrating her. Very premature. She got mad at me and that was our last attempt to make love.

Oh she had been making and breaking promises about ,"I'll let you make love to me if...." So we went on the cruise, Valley Fair Amusement Park in Edina Minnesota. I even brought her along on a computer network installation in Peoria, Illinois so she could see what I did on those business trips. It went smoothly and she got on my case about missed flights and day delays on three prior installations because things had not gone smoothly and I had to troubleshoot and fix the problems before I would fly home. The trip to Peoria was using the company's leased Ford Explorer so no airline delays could apply. It should be noted I could not bring her on a flying installation as the customer bought the airline tickets and wouldn't want to pay double. There were trips she requested if I wanted to make love to her but she didn't let me at any time.

About three years after our last abortive abuse episode we sold our mobile home and moved to Des Moines, the Capital city of Iowa. We bought a 2 bedroom home on the North end and my wife was now teaching and I worked at various jobs mostly with computers. My daughter was in advanced placement classes in school.

She'd often lie on her stomach in front of the television in the living room doing her homework. Her hair was still the wavy long light brown hair hanging down her back. She complained that her back was itching. She asked me to scratch her back. I started to do it outside her shirt. She turned her head back and said, "Under my shirt, Dad." so I put my hands under her shirt, as I scratched my fingers eventually touched the bra strap that ran across her back. When that happened she'd take off her bra and pull it out her sleeve. Now here was an opportunity to cop a feel of her young firm breasts. But this was not something I wanted to do because I suspected she was testing my resolve.

(I take no credit for my repentance. The Bible teaches that the power to resist temptation comes from God. Give him the glory)

It was during this time that I received a text of "How to tell if your marriage is approaching a danger zone." I took the quiz and had a score of 23 which the quiz evaluation labeled "Red Light: Stop for Repair."

If you scored 18 to 24, your relationship is at signifiicant risk. While some couples might have a score in this range and still preserve a good marriage, most won't succeed. You may already notice signs of damage in your relationship such as unresolved anger or a growing sense of resentment,

Don't make the mistake of waiting too long to repair the damage. Many couples who wait find it nearly impossible to get their marriages back on track. The good news is that when two people agree to alter their negative patterns of relating, they are often successful. You might consider seeking professional help from either your pastor or a counselor. The approach you take is your choice, but the key is to act now.

If you want to take the quiz it is still on-line at http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/7m4032.html  

When I pointed out to my wife that, according to this test, our marriage was on its last legs, she didn't think it mattered. She didn't want things to change. After all she had control of all the family money. She was controlling my employment by telling me to quit working in technology where I was so good I could work myself out of a job so I took two jobs: one at target setting up seasonal displays and one at Ritz Camera and One Hour Photo where I processed photographs and sold cameras, binoculars, strobes, and telescopes. Why would she want to step down from such a power trip?

Now a 2002 Men's Fitness Magazine tells us that if a woman removes any article of clothing, other than a coat, it is because she wants you. Maybe true but that didn't mean I had to cooperate in anything my daughter wanted to do that would bring further damage to her. We still lived in an area prone to severe thunderstorms and she still sat on my lap to be held and shoved that breast into my chest but I would not allow myself to drift back into that improper relationship.

Even more troubling than holding her in thunderstorms or the back scratching routine were the two times she came out of her bedroom, embraced her father in a tight hug and made out with me while pushing her abdomen into mine, These two events created a raging hard-on that she could feel while holding me so close. Not sure what her intent was since both events were closely witnessed by her mother and my wife, who were one and the same person.

Women reading this should realize men do not have conscious control their own erections. They are an involuntary response to stimuli. Just because he gets hard does not mean he has to have you.

To those who think you can have an incestuous relationship with a daughter and as long as you are gentle and have their consent no harm will come to her, here is a news flash: Don't bet your daughter's mental health on it! The incidents when my daughter came to me and made out with me creating an erection on me were not my daughter's idea but rather the work of one of her alters. She has been diagnosed as having Disassociative Personality Disorder. This is commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder. The one who made out with me was the personality that enjoyed the incest. There is another personality who is mad as hell about the incest and there is the primary personality that doesn't think the incest made any difference to her.

According to most incest authorities incest runs through multiple generations of a family. I firmly believe my wife was sexually abused by her father with oral sex which later advanced to intercourse. She claimed to be a virgin but had no hymen when we consummated our marriage. According to Jan Frank M. S. author of A Door of Hope a woman with more than four of the fifteen symptoms she listed in that volume is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. From her list my wife displayed no less than eight.

* a controlling personality Why?
* excessive jealousy
* anger without reason
* mistrust Why?
* sexually cutting off a spouse without telling them Why?
* obesity Why? 
* expecting perfection in the spouse
* extremely negative response to certain scents

This points to her being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the final circumstantial evidence was given to me by my mother-in-law who told me my wife had come back from her last visit to her father in tears and begging never to be sent back. She was only eight when he raped her causing the pain which brought the tears. I stayed in the marriage long after realizing my wife had lied to me about who she was and what she had done. In fact I have reason to believe she lied about everything she told me.

In prison I studied two things, abnormal psychology and what we Christians call the Holy Scriptures. The only unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, not rape, incest or even murder. We must face the fact that sexual abuse of children is harmful. Susan Smith, who murdered her children by strapping them into their child safety seats then driving their car into a lake, had consensual sex with her father that morning, something she had done since childhood. Just because they consent or even ask for it doesn't mean it won't hurt them.

Now, if she was still acting provocative, why did her Dad finally have to pay for his crime by serving nine years and three months in prison? When she went to High School she made new friends and when she was sixteen one of my daughter's friends was pregnant. The father of the teenager's baby was her own step father! After her own experience with me, my daughter wanted the abuse of her friend to stop. So she strongly suggested this friend report her situation to her school counselor. The girl refused. So my daughter goes to the school counselor and reports her friend is pregnant by her stepfather. The counselor calls in the pregnant young woman and asks her about her pregnancy. The girl denies even being pregnant! Then she gives my daughter the cold shoulder.

My daughter is not experienced in rejection, Her father has been practicing his unconditional love for her four solid years. So she goes to the counselor to ask how to deal with this unearned rejection and while talking she's mutilating her arms by digging into them with her nails which causes the counselor to ask my daughter what is bugging her. Then my daughter told the counselor that her father had sexually abused her from age five through age twelve. All teachers  in Iowa's schools are mandatory reporters. That makes the passing on of any abuse report mandatory under penalty of law.

So Ms. Lyons does what the law requires and calls the Iowa Department of Human Services. IDHS calls the Des Moines Police Department.. They investigate and call the report unfounded because there was no evidence that any abuse occurred in that jurisdiction. But they sent my wife's report of catching us as I reported in Chapter 6: Caught, and my daughter's statements to the IDHS and Des Moines police and send it back to the county where the abuse occurred. My daughter was put in foster care until I moved out of the house, which I did a week later.My victim had spent that week with a good friend who lived back in the town where the abuse occurred.

She felt guilty over breaking up her parent's marriage. She's not guilty of that. Her mother destroyed the marriage by refusing to be a wife to me in the bedroom. My contribution was not being sufficiently assertive in demanding what a husband should have from his wife. While the Bible does say the man is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, this does not give him the unlimited right to lord it over her. Christ gave his life for his church. So a husband is called into a self-sacrificing love. I gave too much.

You might say that at least your wife kept house. No, she didn't. After the report went in DHS wanted to come out to the house to see what kind of home Kathi and I had provided for her. Three weeks passed before Kathi was content to allow DHS to come to the house. Her reason was that it was a mess. She did not run the vacuum cleaner. Either I did or my daughter did. I also did a good part of the cooking. Why? Because I once challenged her to cook from scratch like she did earlier in the marriage. She challenged me to "Do better if you can!" She laid down the gaunlet and I picked it up. The next day I cooked. From scratch. Oriental Pepper Steak. The recipe I used was designed to serve six. When I served my family of four there were no leftovers. No rice. No pepper steak.

You think she would be happy her husband was able to take up the slack for her lack of time and dedication. NO! She was angry! When she makes hamburger helper for five and has two servings leftover and I make a recipe for six and have none she's jealous that the kids like my cooking better than hers. You can't win when dealing with a person who is mentally ill with borderline personality disorder . Whatever you do will be wrong no matter if it helps her or hurts her.

On May 8, 2002 was a hearing about my daughter being a "Child In Need Of Assistance" under Iowa State Law. We had been having these every few weeks since the original report came out on March 15, 2002. Something was different this time because previously my attorney had correctly assumed I would be at these hearings. This time he called me on May 7 and asked me if I was going to be there. I did not think much of it at the time but now I suspect he knew that an arrest warrant had been issued by Blackhawk County and that I was to be arrested at that hearing.

We went through the motions of a hearing. The Law pretty much allows the Department of Human Services to do whatever they want to in cases of alleged abuse. In one case they badgered the parents of one three year young girl who had been reported by her doctor as receiving treatment for gonerhrea until the two were tried and convicted of sexual abuse. The problem was neither parent had or had ever had gonerhrea. Their neighbor who had occosionally baby sat the child did have it. So the parents go to prison. The child went ot foster care and the neighbor man who was the most probable perpatrator remains free.

After every thing was settled and my daughter was to return to foster care, Her mother had been declared unfit. And I was ready to go the judge ordered everyone but me and my attorney out of the court room. Two Polk County Sheriff's Deputies entered the courtroom and my attorney for this civil action told me,"Those officers over there have a warrent for your arrest." I was not going to resist. I instead handed my attorney my cell phone, and my wallet and tell him to take care of this stuff until I get back.

 I was put in a holding cell at the Polk County Jail.

As a result of my crime I've lost contact with all the people I ever loved. My son neither wrote me in prison nor called since I've been out. My wife became my ex-wife three years after I went to prison, Without my income she lost her new car, her house, and I don't know what else. So was it worth all this to have a few years of gratification?

Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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