Chapter Nine: Hiatus and a short failure
It has been said that a romantic is someone who never accepts the evidence of her eyes and ears. Moving Mars Page 48 by Greg Bear.
For the next eighteen months I lived a normal but celibate
lifestyle. My wife was still unpredictably angry and tearing me down with
her false accusations of infidelity I had not had sex since September 10,
387 days before and this change from abusing my daughter to celibacy
started October 1. In early spring months 18 months later after our
daughter had gone to bed my wife and I had a fight where she threatened me
with divorce because of my many affairs.
Actually the affair narrated in this article was my only true case of infidelity.
My daughter's room was closest to the kitchen where the fight took place. After my wife and I settled down I heard my daughter calling me to go to her room. So I went to her room and entered through the opened door. She asked me if we were getting a divorce, I told her, "I love you and your mother too much to even consider divorce" She thought a minute and said okay. I asked her for a hug and kiss, and she said yes so I bent over her bed and gave her a hug and a kiss. Then she Frenched me. You'll recall that was the signal to move to the next step in our sequence of sexual activity. So I asked her, "Do you want me to feel your breasts?" She nodded her head yes so I reach down and felt her now developed breasts and immediately the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin and I turned away from her and left the room.
That was the absolutely last time I touched her in anything but a properly fatherly manner.
Now everybody needs human contact. My daughter still craved
the touch of her father. She did not want to be sexually abused but she
still wanted to be touched and truly, purely loved. She found a way to get
what she needed by asking me for a back rub. Once I'd start, she'd demand
I do it, "Under her shirt". Now she wore nightgown and panties to bed but
no bra. So I gave her back rub that went from her shoulders to the small
of her back every morning without reaching around to her breasts or down
to her still beautifully round but. This may have been inappropriate but
it fell short of any reasonable definition of sexual abuse.
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