Two Hundred and Seventy-Seven Days
I was transferred from the Polk County Jail to the Blackhawk County Jail starting about two hours after my arrest in the Child In Need of Assistance Hearing May 8, 2002. That two hours was the time it took the deputies from Blackhawk County to drive to Des Moines to get me. I was then removed from the jail's holding cell and put in the back seat of a Black Hawk County Sheriff's Patrol car and they drove me back to Waterloo where the sexual abuse had begun and ended four years before. Once at the Black Hawk County Jail I was again placed in a holding cell and simply held until midnight passed. Then they processed me into a cell in the maximum security section because I had admitted to being depressed and suicidal
All Black Hawk County Jail Cells are single cells and this one had a video camera so the officer at the desk could observe me and make sure I did not act on my suicidal thoughts. Some one opened a book that was too thick to slide under the door closed and slid it under the door. I'm not a big fan of fantasy and that was what this book was but it was something to keep my mind off my situation so I dug into it and read all eight-hundred pages of it in only two days. By that time they were bringing us books regularly so I was occupied with reading,
Now I don't want to imply I just sat quietly the whole time. I didn't sometimes I felt I had to move so I'd start to do pushups. I was doing sets of 15 which was determined by my breathing, not my arm strength or endurance. I added sit ups to the routine after a day or two and settled into jail. I also did think about my abuse of the daughter I loved and who loved me which now I saw for the abuse it really was; RAPE!
Now this realization came to me slowly but children can be betrayed by their body's reaction to sexual stimuli and all adults need to be aware that we must avoid waking up these feelings and not take advantage of the reactions our children may have. Even if a girl asks her father to have sex with her, it should be a discussion of why it is a bad idea combined with a refusal with affection that the parent must control and divert away from sexual stimuli.
Those of you who have read Chapter 2 The Start of the Affair have read that I did try to talk my daughter out of having me rub her down there. The problem was that I was not strong enough in my objections and not sufficiently Scripture Familiar to realize there were instructions in that ancient text on how to deal with this.
I gave it to you in three different translation renderings. The first thing is instructions. Flee. The rest of if is why. We should flee for all sexual immorality because of the effects on the body. Now women, know it is not sexually immoral for your husband to make love to you. Fornication cannot occur with one's wife. You are supposed to love him and the hormones released during sexual stimulation bond you to him. If you don't have sex what biological imperative is going to bond him to you? That is why they call it Making Love because the hormone driven bonding that causes a man to cleave unto his wife will keep him faithful and not let him drift into adultery or incest.
Unfortunately, the same hormones are released in children when they are sexually abused. Some may deny this but how do you explain children who return to their abusers? Some are bribing the children with candy some with the only affection these children ever receive. I know my parents did love us. But the total lack of affection they practiced with us boys left us wanting contact and physical affection. When I was dating my wife there was lots of physical and yes, sexual affection, but when she cut me off we ended up emotionally separated which left me weak in the face of temptation.
If a woman doesn't want her husband to stray the most important thing you can do is have an opened honest discussion with your husband to be sure he is satisfied with the affection and sex you are giving him and making sure you keep him drained from frustration. I did love my wife. She never did love me. Love must be unconditional.
I should have walked out of the bedroom and returned to the living room or even gone out tot he shed to get away from the temptation after she gave me her, "I don't care about that, I want you to do it" line. If I had done that then returned after she gave up on it and given her hugs and kisses to let her know I loved her, she would not be the mental basket case she is today.
After two weeks I was moved out of the super maximum camera observed cell block to a regular Maximum Security Cell. Same set up but no camera in the cell. It was here that I made the mistake that made defense of my charge much harder. We were allowed out of our cells for a couple hours in the afternoon. Sometimes we were escorted to the gym where there was room to walk lap and hoops to shoot baskets for those who wanted to do that. We also were now escorted in mass to the library to get books.
Sometimes we just sat around the dayroom and played cards or shot the bull. It was during one of these sessions that I first saw Jesse Lightfoot. Jesse had his head down and when ask for his name his reply was, "I'm nobody" He was obviously troubled. He sat at the table where I was alone and we started talking. He said what he was charged with was so evil that he could not talk about it. I told him, :"Look,. I'm accused of rubbing my little girl, of eating her pussy, and of having her suck me and dry fuck me so whatever you are accused of it can't top that. Well as I spoke some other inmates came in behind me and were listening intently and later went to the guard claiming I had admitted committing sexual abuse! Do you see an admission in there?" No,I admitted nothing but people hear what they want to hear. So Jesse Lightfoot was a jail house snitch. He got his sentence reduced for helping convict another person.
To the best of knowledge Jesse was caught and reported early in his incestuous relationship with his stepdaughter. She was nine at the time and at that time his wife was still backing him against her daughter. Go figure that one out. Because his victim was older than mine and was used to his wrestling with her she didn't need much grooming to end up in a sleeping bag with him where he was caught. Again I will not call him or anyone else who incestuously abuses a daughter or stepdaughter a pedophile. That is a diagnosis only a psychiatrist can make. Again Blair and Rita Justice put the percentage of fathers involved in incestuous relations with their daughters that are Pedophiles at 5% so it's not the right label. Use Incestuous Father instead.
After two weeks in the opened Maximum security unit I was transferred to the General Population Unit Ed and given a room on the lower level. Here I met a young man I'd known as the son of Judy Rennet. Judy Rennet had been one of my female student when I was teaching at the Community College back when it was an Institute of Technology. She had always sat right in front of my podium and locked eyes on me. Now consider I taught each group of students for six quarters of a seven quarter program. So for a period of months I had this woman right in front of me for two to three hours a day.
My wife had not been taking care of business and this crept into my lectures and when Judy became aware of it she told me. "I get wet down below when you talk about that." I stopped letting my home life drift into my lectures. I did not feel any attraction to Judy. She wasn't pretty and was overweight and had a facial birthmark. Add to this that she was married and you can see a problem.
Later, our Montgomery Ward washing machine failed in a way that dumped a tub full of water across our bathroom floor. The linoleum was backed with particle board. This is a composite of sawdust and glue. Water soluble glue!. So when 23 gallons of hot water were dumped from the washer onto the floor, the glue dissolved and the floor got soft, real soft. I mentioned in class I needed to replace a bathroom floor and Judy came up afterward and told me,"My husband is a contractor and he can do it for $75 and the cost of materials." I went home and went to bed and told my wife of her offer in the morning. She ask me who she was so I described Judy to her and she said to set it up if we could do it in a weekend. I took that to Judy that night and she came back the next day and we set it up for the weekend.
Early Saturday we took everything out of the bathroom, I thought. Mr. Bennet arrived and said I needed to remove the sink, its cabinet and the toilet and the tub. He helped me pull the tup and toilet and the sink vanity. I can't imagine what our neighbors thought as the tub and sink vanity where carried out the back door of our mobile home and left in the yard. He cut our linoleum and when he pulled up[p the linoleum big chucks of the particle board flooring came up with it! We also could smell sewer gas because the trap that normally keeps that away is in the toilet. So we stuffed a rag into the sewer pipe to keep it out.. We had tongue and groove plywood to replace the water soluble partical board and tore out all the particle board by hand and cut holes in the plywood for the drain and supply lines to the sink, toilet and tub. We put the plywood down after cutting it to fit flush with the walls and nailed it down. We then used a notched trowel to spread linoleum adhesive over the plywood then unrolled the new linoleum then the Bennets went home as we had to wait for the adhesive set they came back the next morning with their daughters. Their oldest was a beautiful young woman just transitioning into adulthood. Judy told me she had married her husband because he made beautiful babies. She also said that daughter had been offered modeling contracts. Well this is years later and I ran into a young detainee who was son-in-law of Judy Bennet.
The slender young woman was now up to 220 pounds and he told me Judy now was an alcoholic divorcee living in Arkansas. Sad after paying for an Associate Degree in Electronic Engineering Technology.
Another detainee in the jail was the son of close family friend who said he knew the charges were false because my victim was a happy well adjusted child when he had played with her even though I knew that was in the midst of our incestuous affair. He offered to testify to that effect but later reneged under peer pressure from other inmates.
I kept trying to tell my attorney I would take a deal to serve a dime instead of the 25 year 85% Mandatory minimum that would have resulted from my being found guilty at trial. He didn't have any enthusiasm for doing that. He came to me with a three counts of third degree sexual abuse to be served consecutively. So he wanted me to do 30 years instead of the 25 year 85% Mandatory minimum . I was not aware at that time of good conduct credit. for prisoners in Iowa prisons. The would have had me incarcerated 22 years and three months. The first deal the county attorney offered would have had me incarcerated for 13 years and 2 months. but my attorney failed to tell me that. So I held out. They came back with 3 counts of third degree sexual abuse with two counts concurrently and one count consecutively. I told him that was not really an improvement. I wanted one for one. I'll accept a single count of third degree sexual abuse to avoid a trial on Second Degree Sexual Abuse. That would be a ten year with no minimum against a twenty-five year with 85% mandatory minimum.
During the time I was held one black inmate constantly threatened me and even ran into the lunch room once with a fist extended and stopped only an inch from my nose. He was trying to induce me to attack him so he'd have an excuse to claim self defense. Others wanted me to give them commissary goods and being soft hearted I did do this. It didn't cost much and they didn't threaten me so much as to appeal to my humanity saying,"I'm hungry, I'm so hungry it hurts." So I gave in. Threaten me and you got nothing. Appeal to my charity and love for my fellow man and I'll give you to coat off my back.
So even before I as found guilty or took plea bargain people in the jail were judging me guilty on all counts. After some eight months in general population I got tired of sitting around and my attorney came in and offered to set up the deal so a judge would decide whether it was ten or twenty years and only two counts of third degree sexual abuse would be in the paperwork. Considering the abuse lasted nine years from first intimate contact to last above the waist only incident and probably included 200 to 300 individual events I was still getting off pretty lightly. My attorney assured me he would not attack my daughter but said he would go after my wife. So I agreed. It turned out my attorney did not go after my wife at all.
Once I agreed to the deal I was immediately sent to Oakdale and would be returned to Waterloo for final sentencing when a judge became available.
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